Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
