honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
