i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
