I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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