My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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