It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
