Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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