You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
