Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
