Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
