How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
