Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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