actually, I'm a sock model
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
