Well douche your snatch and let's go!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
