why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
