i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
