Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
