remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Screwed.edu
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
