Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
