Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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