I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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