I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
