Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
