they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
