More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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