ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
