I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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