Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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