i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
