there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A+ Viking dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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