Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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