Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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