I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
