did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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