I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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