I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
