I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
