It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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