Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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