My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
