Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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