we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
