I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
