I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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