i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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