You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
