we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
