and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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