Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
