so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
