Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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