He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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