why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
