The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
