Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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