96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
