I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
