I just pynch a tree in the face
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
