I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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