there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
