ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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