i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
