did you get engaged???
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
