Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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