Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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