Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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