Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this just has baby written all over it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
