Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Why is your signature on my underwear?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
MIDGETS
????
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
