i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
