Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think my moral compass just broke
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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