It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize