Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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