did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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