I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
