I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
BRING THE BAGELS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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