Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
