apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
