Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
