really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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