He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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