Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
