I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
