I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize