Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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