Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
