You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
