guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
