i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
