TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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