if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You dont lie about slip and slides
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
