Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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