shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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