Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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